girlybruiser | 𝓵𝓪𝓫𝔂𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓱𝓾𝓶 ❀ 𝓲𝓷𝓫𝓸𝔁

[He's always hated calling it an accident. It's only ever felt like an excuse. But he doesn't argue or debate the word or whether it matters, because what she says next makes it all too clear she understands. Dead is dead, no matter what. That's still a life that will never be the same as it was, a hole torn into it by someone else's hands.

He's silent a long moment, before he closes his eyes. It isn't her business, no, but he doesn't get defensive about it, because -- well, it's about Amada. Shinjiro has long considered his life as belonging to the younger boy; even if Sleepr hadn't outed the matter to all and sundry, he would've never considered himself as having a right to his privacy in that regard. He never talked about it publicly in consideration of Amada's, and even the few private conversations he's had were largely under duress.]

...I don't have anything to say for myself about it.

[What little he had, he already said through a mouth full of blood in an alley, six months ago. It was supposed to have been closure for the kid, but then some cosmic force tore him from his grave. Pried the wound open by force. It frustrates him, honestly. The cruelty of this world is exhausting.]

Already told him if he needs anything, I'll come. Beyond that...it's like you said. That shit ain't easy to deal with. I don't ... wanna be underfoot and make it harder.

[Another beat. He rubs at his neck, a little uncomfortable.]

Glad he's got more people lookin' out for him, though. He's been on his own a long time, 'cause of me.

Edited 2025-06-23 05:53 (UTC)

[ Does that not put the onus on Ken, who apparently had sought his own form of revenge? Something so deep and twisted that broiled within him, that the Oracle decided to let slip these profound emotions he had apparently been contending with?

Haru isn't sure how to feel about that, but she also doesn't want to overstep. ]

Amada-san isn't even in middle school yet, yes?

[ He might be wiser than most his age, given the grief he's been forced to endure at such a young and tender age, but... ]

Should you not be the one to reach out to him? In this case, he's a child. He might be a Persona user and it seems he's fought alongside older students, but he's still growing and learning.

[ This isn't to demean Ken or take away from his experiences. If he were present, she would be apologizing to him directly. ]

I can't imagine what it must be like to have... [ killed someone? Because Haru can't.

She had held a blade to Akechi's throat, but the intent to kill never sat at the edge of the knife. It never existed to begin with, despite everything she suffered. ] Um, but... I think Amada-san needs his senpais to be the ones to reach out.

[There is an instant that he freezes as though he's been slapped, before Shinjiro forces himself to calm down. This is not the conversation he was expecting tonight, honestly. He didn't even realize that she was close with the kid ... or maybe she isn't, and she's projecting, but even so -- he can understand, in a way. If he could keep someone from making his own mistakes, he would.

He takes a moment to breathe, forcing himself to meet her gaze properly.]

If I reach out to him, he'll feel obligated. He blames himself for the fact that I died. I tried to tell him it ain't his fault, but ...

[He sighs, shakes his head.]

It ain't...right for him to put himself through havin' me around, just because he feels guilty. Maybe it'll be different, down the line, but for now, he's got you and Aki and Arisato to help him through the shit I'd only ever make tougher to deal with.

Hell...[he makes a little noise in his throat that's like a pained chuckle, self-deprecating] practically begged Doc Maruki to look out for him too, back when I thought it might be just us here.

I ain't ever gonna send him away, but he's still better off without me, if he can be.

Edited 2025-06-23 06:50 (UTC)

[ They're at the corner of another sidewalk and her foot lifts, ready to step off the curb, but Shinjiro says: he's still better off without me, if he can be and she freezes.

Then slowly, her foot backs onto the curb, her heel clicking against cobblestone.

Her eyes face the ground, nothing remarkable about the cobblestone and some of the dirt and dust that blows through. She stares, quiet, contemplative, before she realizes— ]

My sincerest apologies, Aragaki-san.

[ Those big, brown eyes of her train on him. Gosh, he's so tall. What are these boys in Japan eating these days? Yusuke, Akechi, Shinjiro... ]

... of course you suffered, too.

[ Why else would he say such a thing so openly without any real hesitation? ]

[Whatever he thought she was going to say, it wasn't that. If he looked like he'd been slapped before he rallied earlier, this time his expression crumbles entirely in shock. It doesn't smooth out into something neutral this time, either. He'd almost look angry if his eyes weren't so pained, immediately making her point for her.]

Don't do that.

[Sharp, almost desperate.]

Nothing happened to me. Nobody ... even knows, aside from the people who were there when it happened. It was covered up, so I got away clean.

[He phrases it in the crassest way he can think of, as though to kick her sympathy out from under her, make her think better of it before it can properly take root, but his choice of words immediately betrays him. He didn't say that he covered it up, after all.]

Edited 2025-06-23 22:01 (UTC)

[ Shinji still manages to startle Haru and she inches away instinctively.

Her hand grips her purse strap, staring up at him with widened eyes, uncertain what reaction lies in wait if she says something that might upset him further. ]

... I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to overstep.

[ It isn't her place. Hearing secondhand from the others doesn't mean it's her problem to fix, even if she's worried about Ken.

Shinjiro's choice of words is odd, but maybe she needs to back off for now.

Boys have a different method of handling their emotions, after all. ]

Um, I can walk the rest of the way. Thank you for escorting me this far.

[He doesn't expect the apology. He expects it to become a fight, like it always does -- with Aki, with Qifrey, with Dolph Laserhawk.

Haru tightens her grip on her purse, stares at him with wide eyes and tries to excuse herself, and Shinjiro ... on the one hand, it's probably for the best if she does avoid him -- it's not as though he's really someone worth getting to know in the first place -- and yet. He is embarrassed, a touch, at drawing that reaction without trying to intimidate anybody. Did she think he was going to hit her or something...? Just for saying something kinder than he deserved?

He closes his eyes and breathes, just for a moment. His tone quiets, the agitation dropping out of it, though there's a distinct awkwardness that lingers.]

Shit. No, I uh ... oughta be the one apologizing, I think. Didn't mean to freak you out.

[He doesn't turn to go just yet, though.]

There anyone nearby that can pick you up? It's gettin' dark soon.

[He doesn't want to insist on taking her the rest of the way, if she's uncomfortable. But he doesn't like the idea of leaving her be when those thugs are still roaming around, either.]

Edited 2025-06-26 08:43 (UTC)

[ Unfortunately for Haru, she has the added experience of getting stabbed the last time she attempted sympathy for someone fresh on her mind. ]

Huh? Oh...

[ He's taking awful care to ensure she won't be left alone to fend for herself. Haru does appreciate it, though it simply adds another layer of mystery to Aragaki Shinjiro.

She's certain she could ask Akihiko, but some things are best left to hear directly from Shinjiro. ]

Thank you for the concern, but I can manage the rest of the way. I was simply taken off guard before.

[ Next time, she fires first, she guesses. ]

...Alright.

[He doesn't like it, but there's nothing more he can say, here. Can't even pretend to just so happen to need to go this direction, under the circumstances. Hopefully she's right and everything will be fine.]

See ya 'round, then, Okumura. Watch out for yourself.

[He turns, raising a hand in a farewell as he goes. It isn't long before he disappears into the distance, under the cover of the falling twilight.]

𝓵𝓪𝓫𝔂𝓻𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓱𝓾𝓶 ❀ 𝓲𝓷𝓫𝓸𝔁

cw reference to death

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wrapt!