inbox.

[girlybruiser]

❝ You have reached Haru Okumura. I apologize if I was unable to answer your call.
Please leave a message with your name and number after the beep and I will respond at the earliest convenience. Thank you very much! ❞

Comments

[cognitivism]

I honestly don't know.

[ He was honestly resigned against the sheets when Marcel decided to walk over him. He half expected the cat to curl up and just lay on his back in his defiance. When the words are muffled against the sheets, and Marcel is on her pillow?

He sits up, rubbing his face, miserable and trying to figure out where... how to begin. ]

I had... to do something for Aegis today. I think I've been put on suspended leave.

[girlybruiser]

[ The exhaustion that seeps into his features, even his tonal inflection, draws immediate concern from Haru as she parks herself next to him on the bed. Her body angles toward him to indicate she's all ears, ready to hear him out. ]

Suspended leave? [ That catches her off guard. ] Why are they suspending you?

[cognitivism]

[ He looks at his hands at first, then to her. Haru's worried, he knows it's just going to get worse. Worse how? Would she blame him? Accuse him of going back to who he used to be? Would she (finally) leave him because it's never going to change? His heart ached, his chest burned as he breathed.

His stomach lurched as he quietly, so quietly says-- ]

I killed Lucina.

[girlybruiser]

[ Haru's breath hitches immediately, her body reacting sooner than her mind seems to. It takes a second, two.

Her hands sit frozen on her lap, eyes wide and unblinking, not quite staring at Goro, almost through him. ]

... I don't understand.

[cognitivism]

I had to kill Lucina. I had no choice.

[ He buries his face in his hands, trying to calm his racing heart. What was Haru thinking? What would she do? ]

She was encouraging the Heartless attacks. It wasn't like her and she was -- she wasn't herself.

[girlybruiser]

[ She doesn't know Lucina well, just that she's a colleague of Goro's he highly respects and praises. Someone it seemed he's been spending more time with, which Haru has been glad for as it gets Goro out and about socializing with others.

But she does know Lucina is a woman with steely resolve and dedication to Aegis. She wouldn't turn on those core values so easily.

Haru's own stomach is uneasy as she processes this information. ]

Those Heartless got her? Oh no, that's... that can't be.

[cognitivism]

She wasn't herself. Cold and calculating... didn't care for the loss of human life.

[ Not herself at all. And he was agonizing over it. ]

I told Ashley.

[girlybruiser]

Goro-kun.

[ It's not making sense to her. There's something else she's missing, she thinks. ]

What happened?

[cognitivism]

I went to stop a large Heartless from destroying property in Maurtia Falls. Lucina stopped me. Fought me. Nearly beheaded me with her sword-- She was allowing the creature to destroy and potentially kill.

I shot her. [ Point blank. In the face. He watched her die. ]

[girlybruiser]

[ A frigid cold sensation trails down her spine at that.

Haru swallows nervously, unsure what to say at first. ]

... but you tried to save her first, right?

[cognitivism]

Of course I did. I begged her to stop I just...

What else could I have done? I didn't know how to stop her other than...[ He finally looks up at her. Worry was written on his face.]

Am I still a monster?

[girlybruiser]

No! Of course not!

[ The words tumble out of her mouth a little too fast, a little too defensive. Haru is scrambling, not sure what she needs to say in this moment. She doesn't want to think Goro is capable of cold-hearted murder anymore, not after all the effort he's made to do better. To be better. ]

You're not a monster, Goro-kun. Not if you were trying to help her.

[cognitivism]

I stayed to watch her die. [ He admits quietly. ] I felt like I owed it to her. That at the end of it I needed to make sure she...

I feel terrible. Perhaps I should have done more.

[But what? He's gone over what happened in his head more times than he could count now and everything came up the same: he needed to kill her. ]

[girlybruiser]

[ Her gaze falls, her chest feeling heavy in that moment.

Haru lets out a little exhale. ]

Was... was she herself again at the end?

[cognitivism]

I don't know.

[ He hasn't spoken to her yet, she hasn't revived yet. There were a number of factors and he just... doesn't know where to begin. ]

Do you think she'll forgive me?

[girlybruiser]

[ Haru shakes her head, a slight shrug of her shoulders as she wrestles with her answer. ]

... the way you've spoken about her, I'd think it's in her heart to.

But I don't really know. I'm sorry.

[cognitivism]

I feel like I've failed you both.

[ He's tried so hard not to slip into this path again. Not to pull the trigger on a friend and ally. So much has changed and he's staring down an old path. ]

[girlybruiser]

"Both"?

[ She looks at Goro, surprised at all to hear him say that. ]

What do you mean by that?

[cognitivism]

You and Lucina.

[ Both of them have been by his side through this journey, and he will never be more grateful for their faith. ]

I don't want to go down this path again. To find myself enjoying pulling the trigger or the smell of gunpowder...

[girlybruiser]

[ While she can understand why and where Goro is coming from, Haru still shakes her head with a soft sigh escaping her, her shoulders sinking a little.

It's such an uncomfortable thought: Goro with a gun, pointed at someone, the trigger pulled and someone's life taken. Again.

But... circumstances are different this time, aren't they? Although she shudders at the thought, it's different. Isn't it? ]

... I don't think you've failed anyone, but I don't believe you owe me anything for this. This is... this is between you and Lucina.